points of CRAP

1. I am actually paying attention writing this crap instead of doing MY FINALS requirement. Why is that? Is it because i don't want to do something unless i am pressured to do so? No. Because I don't feel any pressure , but i sure feel a lot of head aches. Is it because I am a procrastinator? No. Because if i was, i would not be writing this note at all. So why? BECAUSE IM A LAZY BASTARD. Simple.

2. Okay, this is the part where you would rather play Pet Society or Mafia Wars because I bore you with my whining. I must apologize, but this note is intended to be the trash can of all the things I AM GOING TO RAMBLE ON on the next few paragraphs. If you want to leave be my guess. But mind you, I MIGHT HAVE something important to say to you and if you miss it, you might regret it.

3. Oh, you're still here. Good. You're listening. I need an audience. Because nobody seems to listen to me anymore. Nobody wants to lend even an earwax of an attention. I feel neglected.I feel ignored. I feel booed off stage. I feel insulted. OMG i just said I FEEL. hah, funny. People say Im insensitive. People say I'm cold. I say they just don't get me.

4. Hey ask me how i feel today. Go on, ASK. *asks* I feel like shit. I haven't slept for weeks. I've been having nightmares like forever. My back hurts and i feel like throwing up. But I can't throw up because Im too lazy to get up and head to the bathroom. So i'm gonna stay like this and hope that distracting myself would lessen the pain.

5. Holden Caulfield was right. I should not tell anybody about anything because if i do, i start missing everybody. and that's not good. and it's happening now. I'm missing SLEEP. I forgot how to do it honestly.

6.I think it's perfectly normal to hate yourself sometimes.You grow from your own mistakes. You learn from slapping your face soo hard just to say to yourself "Just what the FUCK are you doing?". telling yourself repeatedly how stupid you were and why you are pathetic excuse for a human being. It wakes up the senses. try it. trust me it works. Well, at least for me. I bang my own head against the wall. Literally.

7. I'm EXHAUSTED. not just physically tired. EVERY ASPECT TIRED. ( emotionally, menta--must i put everything?) I don't think rest is the answer. I JUST NEED A BREAK. I need people to get off my face for a while. They're suffocating with their selfishness. But then again, this note is pretty much self centered eh? here i am whining about everything and there ain't nothing you can do about it except stop reading.

8. Hey did you hear that? probably no. I did though. I'm Schizophrenic. At least I assume I am. Im hearing voices man. But i don't think i need a shrink. I mean what for? You go there, you lay on the couch , they talk to you for 30 minutes, call you crazy , takes money from you and then you go home. You could hear the voices telling you "You're a different kind of stupid are you?" Treating yourself out of insanity only makes you worst. i'm not a doctor. Im not a psychologist. definitely not shrink. So i probably know what im talking about.^^

9. Life is being unfair. You are being unfair. I'm being unfair. Everyone is being unfair. So I think , It's FAIR to everyone that we are all UNFAIR to each other. Therefore, it' fair to say that nobody is being unfair. sounds fair enough? No? We can start over.

10. I don't even know the reason behind this whole "Go whine about everything on your FB note" act of mine. Then, again I did not whine about everything. That's not even the half of it. Not even sure if you're still listening. Because truth is, we are all just fooling ourselves. Pretending we understand when we actually don't. Pretending we care when actually we don't even give a hoot what happens. We think we need things that we want. We TRY TO BE nice WE are not being NICE. We die trying to convince ourselves that we are still on track. It's like trying to sell to yourself a rotten apple and buy it. WE only TRY to make our lives BETTER. WE DO NOT MAKE IT the best. I have a problem, who doesn't? raise your eyeballs! I don't want to TRY and SOLVE it. I AM GOING TO SOLVE IT.
I believe in the theory of Determinism, that everything happens for a reason. This event in my life right now where i feel like everyone is against me, trying to bring me down is probably just a phase. A test. A test that im not going to TRY and pass. but I AM GOING TO PASS IT. Optimism. it's a beautiful thing.
Oh no, this blog did not turn out to be as EMO as you thought it would be eh? ha, tricked ya. So what made me do this? I don't feel like saying. Maybe Im too stoned to tell. LOL.


Oh yeah,


HI.

there i said something.